The Two Little Pigs

Once upon a time there were two little pigs. One day their mother said to them, “It is time for you to go and establish lives of your own.”  so they set out to seek their fortunes.

As they traveled, they talked between them and decided that they must build houses. “We will each build our own house,” they declared, ” and we will visit one another on week-ends. Unless the weather is bad, then we will telephone. Unless we are out of town, then we will e-mail. Unless we have been drinking heavily, then it will have to wait for next week.”

Having decided this, the two brothers went to find some material from which they could build their houses.

They first came across a man selling bricks, and he encouraged them to buy some.
“These bricks are strong.” boasted the man. “They will withstand ill weather and ill fortune both.”

“These bricks are too expensive.” thought the one pig to himself. “I don’t want to spend all my money on a house. I need something left over for my own enjoyment.”
“These bricks are too heavy.” thought the other pig to himself. “They are too rough. They will tire my shoulders carrying them and they will bruise my young and tender hooves.”

So the two pigs passed the brickman by. They soon came by a man selling sticks.

“Aha!” cried the cheap pig. “The right product at the right price.”
“These sticks are a good weight,” thought the tender pig, “but they are still too rough for me.”

So the one pig stayed to barter with the lumberman, and the other went on a little further, until he came to a man selling straw.

“This is exactly what I need!” cried the pig. “It is light and smooth and easy to work with.” And he stayed to negotiate with the hayman for a fair price.

Now when the two little pigs had built their houses, one of wood and one of straw, they were extremely pleased with themselves, and visited each other not just on weekends, but also on Wednesday afternoons, so that they could enjoy one another’s houses.

This continued for quite some time, until one day a wolf arrived at the house of straw. The little pig was outside tending his garden, and when he saw the wolf approaching he ran straight into his house and locked the door behind him, before cowering under the kitchen table, too frightened for words.

“Little Pig.” growled the wolf. He had a mean, gruff growl, and its itchy-scratchy sound made all of the little piggy hairs on the little pig stand up straight.
“Little pig, little pig, let me come in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in!”
“Not on the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!” squealed the terrified little pig.

The wolf took in a tremndous huff, and let out a tremendous puff, and blew the straw house all to shivers.
Seeing his house disappear from around him, the little pig took off with a shriek, and running and squealing for his very life, headed for his brother’s house.
The wolf chased after him, but could not catch him, for (thanks to his Wednesday visits) the little pig knew a shortcut through the forest to his brother’s house. The path was just right for little pigs but too snug for big, hairy wolves.

Once the pig arrived at his brother’s house, he locked the door beside him.
“The wolf!” he cried to his brother. “The wolf is right behind me!”

He need not have said anything, for the wolf signaled his own arrival with a long and horrifying howl that made all of the little piggy hairs on both the little pigs stand up straight.

The wolf came snuffling up to the door. The little pigs could hear his breathing: heavy, angry and ominous.
“Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in, or I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house in!” the wolf snarled.
“Not on the hairs of our chinny-chin-chins!” squealed the terrified little pigs.

The little pigs heard the wolf’s footsteps padding softly away from the door, and for a while there was silence. They thought that perhaps the wolf had gone.

But the wolf was only recovering his breath, and soon the pigs heard a terrible rushing sound all around them. The wolf had taken in a tremndous huff, and had let out a tremendous puff, and it blew the stick house all to shivers.
Seeing the house disappear from around them, both little pigs started to run. The little pig who had built his house of straw ran back to the forest, while the one who build his house of sticks ran over open country, and it was he whom the wolf followed.

The first pig could only watch in horror from the forest as the wolf overtook his brother and, with one gigantic gulp, swallowed him up whole.

“Oh what am I to do?” moaned the pig. “I have no house and I have no brother and the wolf will surely find and eat me if I don’t do something. Oh why did we not build our houses of brick?”

It was then that he remembered the words of the brickman- “They will withstand ill weather and ill fortune both.” And he remembered how heavy the bricks were, and how rough the bricks were, and he began to form an idea.

The little pig ran to town as quickly as he could. There he sought out the brick-man and purchased three bricks. Taking his bricks, he ran to the bakery, where he bought three loaves of fresh bread, a bakers hat, and an apron. Inside each of the loaves of bread, the little pig placed one of his bricks.

Then the little pig put on his bakers hat and his apron, and went out to the road where he knew the wolf would pass by. There he waited, and it was not long before the wolf did pass by.

The little pig, disguised though he was, was terrified, but he called out in a loud voice, “I have fresh bread for sale!  Fresh today from the bakery!”

The wolf had set his sights on having *two* little pigs for lunch that day, and so eating the first one had not satisfied him like a little pig usually would. Smelling the fresh bread,  he came over to the little pig and purchased all three loaves and, with three gigantic gulps, swallowed them all whole.

The wolf had not gone far when he began to feel very tired and very unwell. The bricks he had swallowed made his stomach feel quite heavy, and their rough edges began to irritate him. Before long he felt that he could not continue walking and, stretching himself out by the side of the road, he lay down and went to sleep.

Now the little pig, who had been following the wolf from a distance, had been waiting for this very moment.  He crept up to the wolf, and taking a large knife from his apron, cut the wolf’s stomach wide open.

Well, that was the end of the wolf! Far better still, out from the wolf’s belly popped the little pig’s brother! He was well, and whole, and very happy to have escaped.

The two little pigs took the wolf’s hide to the magistrate of town and received a handsome bounty, for the wolf was a notorious predator who had caused a great deal of trouble in the area.

They took the money and with it built themselves fine houses of brick, where they lived happily for the rest of their lives.

(Except for those weekends where they drank too much to visit… but that is another story.)