The Happy Moron

My chances of being invited to parties have just tanked.
I’ve discovered Legistics.
When you think about the fight for clarity and the disambiguation of language, the legal folks are truly champions of the cause.
I’m off to fight the good fight of avoiding the usage of “comprise” (use “composed of” or “consists of”) and “notwithstanding” (use the [...]

While I was not as far behind as I am now behind.

Good stuff.

From the Word of the Day that I keep on my whiteboard:
WOTD: affect(process)/effect(state)
The best way to have an effect is to affect someone. (We all need a little affection)
If you verb the ‘e’ word, you are evil. Verbing words is evil.
“Do you wish to effect change?” (this means “bring about an effect“ – correct but [...]

“Joke or not, I now recognize that what I did was a mistake and was wrong,” Arenas said. “I should not have brought the guns to D.C. in the first place, and I now realize that there’s no such thing as joking around when it comes to guns — even if unloaded.”
You can use that [...]

At Save on Foods, the clerks carry knives. They carry them on their belts, hung in little pouches, nestled in among the pens and little notepads.
Knives.
I saw one clerk there who had a dark green apron fastened beneath a broad black belt. The cloth hung like a tunic; he looked like a retail Robin Hood, [...]

Q)What do you call the fat French Aardvark?
A)L’ardvark
Q)What do you call a quarter-pound French Aardvark?
A)A Royale.
Q)What do you call a quarter-pound French Aardvark that you make bad jokes about?
A)A Royale with cheese.
Q)What do you say to a six fingered Aardvark?
A)”Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my ant. Prepare to die.”

There are thousands of these all over the internet, but this one is great.

Does a mall count as indoors?
Does a baseball cap count?
Do you have to tip your hat to a lady if she’s wearing trousers?

Not if you were born after 1900
Exception – you do if you’re wearing a double-breasted pinstripe suit, on pain of ruining the impression

Why do we still have TV news anchors?
So far as I can tell, good news anchors embody the following:

Bland and inoffensive
Willing to endure a yuppie haircut
Pretty face
Ability to adhere to standard intonation pattern
Don’t make racist jokes in front of a live camera(see ‘bland and inoffensive’)

Umm… I think I just perfectly described a CGI avatar.
Let’s look [...]