The Happy Moron

I’m trying out a little game I thought up. The game is to retell a fairy tale or children’s story while omitting one of the major characters.

This is Hansel and Gretel, and we’ve lost Hansel… just not in the woods. This is Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV.

This is the story of Gretel. Some have called it the story of “Poor Gretel” or “The Unfortunate Gretel”, but I will call it only the story of Gretel.

Whether these other titles better fit the story, you must decide. I will only tell it, and leave all judgements to those best suited to make them.

One thing I will say, however, and that is that the story starts with a very poor Gretel indeed, for Gretel was born into an impoverished family. Her father was a woodcutter and a pauper.

Gretel was an only child, and although her father loved her dearly, her mother did not. Her mother was not her real mother; she was her step-mother, and had no extraordinary love for little Gretel.

Because of their extreme poverty, this wicked woman convinced Gretel’s father that they should abandon the girl in the woods. She told the woodcutter that they would surely starve otherwise, as they had nothing at all to eat in the house.

Gretel was surprised when her mother and father took her into the woods, but as she was just a little girl, she followed them quite willingly. When they were in the forest, her mother told her that she must gather firewood. Gretel had never done such a thing before, but she understood that this meant she was becoming a Big Girl, and she was excited that such an opportunity was being given to her.

Gretel went out eagerly through the forest, searching for any sticks of a size that she could carry. She soon had an armful (for little arms take only a little filling), and she hurried back to find the place where her parents had been.

But she could not find it. She found a spot that she thought must be it, but here mother and father were not there. In the changing light of the forest she could not be certain, and so she went on looking for the place.

She looked and looked, but she found only more forest; more trees; more strange places with strange noises. It was growing dark, and the shadows cast by the trees were very long and very deep. From time to time she could hear scurrying and rustling in the woods around her, but she couldn’t see anything.

It was not only growing dark, but cold as well. Gretel was tired, and hungry, and very, very frightened.

It was no surprise that when she saw a light in the distance, she ran hastily towards it, calling for her mother and father. But there was no mother or father to be found at the source of the light. Instead, Gretel found a cottage.

At first she was very discouraged and upset that her parents were not there, but this quickly changed as she realized she had never seen such a cottage before in her life.

The cottage was made of gingerbread and candy. It was no toy cottage but a real house! A great big house, all made of sugar and confectionary delight! Gretel could not believe her eyes. She dropped her bundle of wood and gaped at the the sight before her.

And then her tummy rumbled and she remembered how famished she was. All thoughts of her parents had flown from her mind; she ran straight to the cottage and began to yank away chunks, shoving them into her mouth as quickly as she could.

The poor little girl was really starving; she had never been fed well in the best of times, and so she might be forgiven for the manner in which she devoured those pieces of the house which she managed to break off.

But she was startled by the sound of the door to the cottage opening, and, frightened, she jumped back from the wall of the house.

An old woman – an extremely old woman – came out of the door.

“Why, my dear child!” exclaimed the old woman. “You must not eat my house, my dear. You must come inside, if you are hungry, and I can make you a supper. The sweets I build my house of are poor fare; I have much better that I can give you.”

Little Gretel backed away. She was sure that she must be scolded, having been caught so vigorously attacking the old lady’s house. The old woman, seeing her fear, laughed and said, “Do not worry about the house, my dear. See, it is already better!”

Gretel looked, and to her great astonishment, the corner of the house from which she had taken pieces was whole and sound, with no parts missing at all!

“It is a special house,” said the woman. “Now, if you will come in, I will fix you a supper.”

To the wide-eyed little girl, this was an incredible and marvellous thing, and, unable to say anything at all, she nodded and followed the old woman into the house.