Questions we don’t ask
Written on January 14, 2009
It’s not that John didn’t want to talk to his wife when he came home from work. It’s just that he didn’t feel… well, he just didn’t feel particularly talkative. He was sure that Sheila didn’t mean to be bothersome, but she sure picked some strange things to talk about.
Tonight’s victim of scrutiny was his colleague Bob, and the inquisition was severe. Poor absent Bob’s character, habits, and history were laid bare. John tried valiantly to keep up with the incessant demands for information and (he thought) he was actually doing pretty well.
Pretty well, that is, until the question that floored him.
“John… what colour are Bob’s eyes?”
“His eyes?
“Umm…”
“You worked with the man for 20 years and you don’t know what colour his eyes are? You shared a bunk for a week during The Team 2000 challenge and never noticed?”
“I guess I never asked him. They’re a, kinda murky colour, I guess. Like a grey or a brown or a blue, I think.”
“John, what colour are my eyes?”
John looked up; she’d squared her back to him, arms crossed defiantly. He scanned the room desperately in the hopes of mirror,a window, a ridiculously shiny table-knife, anything!
John slept on the couch that night.
Sometimes we just don’t ask
Our world runs on assumed knowledge of all shapes and sizes.
If it’s life and death knowledge, you must know it, because otherwise you’d be dead.
If it’s important knowledge, (don’t ask her about her weight) you probably received immediate feedback and knew it the second time round.
If it’s popular trivia, you probably heard it somewhere.
Sometimes our assumptions of knowledge are wrong. People arrive from different backgrounds, different cultures and shatter our ideas of what “everyone knows”.
There’s a more fundamental principle at play. If you don’t encounter something, you don’t know about it. If you don’t ask, you don’t know. Sometimes the (perceived) importance or prevalence of a thing means that we ask questions quickly.
What really got me thinking about this was that I was looking at the questions of a spiritual/emotional inventory worksheet. I was thinking, “Cheesy!” until I realized that it was full of questions I never ask. I wasn’t sure of the answers.
If I never ask the question, how will I ever know?
Filed in: curios, personalinthepubliceye.