Sunday means that certain television stations which lack high moral character show certain programmes which ought not to be shown on a Sunday.
Yes, I’m talking about professional golf.
As perhaps the poorest sport from a sporting perspective, golf is a really tough sell. It doesn’t really have heroes as such, because heroes are born of conflict, and there’s not much hardship to be found in a world of khakis and groomed lawns on a sunny spring afternoon.
But… but… the greens break really *hard*! And I really have no idea about the strength of character required to bounce back after a bogie on the very challenging 13th (“I’d say it’s the hardest hole on the course, wouldn’t you John? “Without a question, Sid. As you remember, it was redesigned in 2002 to add an additional 50 yards and with the pin placement today it constitutes genuine adversity”).
Golf excels in one thing. If you want to *learn* something from a sport, golf is the one to look at. It’s the one to look at simply because the sporting fare on offer is so pitiful. No one looks at the actual nature of a sport if they want to learn something, because these things generally just boil down to a ball and a hole and a stick, or a ball and a hole with a net on it, or a ball and a goal, or a ball and a goal and a stick, or a puck and a goal and a stick, or a ball and a goal and no stick because you’re using your hands, or a ball and a goal and a swimming pool, or a ball and a stick and a goal and a horse, or…
No, the thing to look at if you want to learn something is how sports are marketed. Golf has the best marketing, because golf has the worst sport and the hardest sell.
Finally we get to the point of the blog, which is self-aggrandizement. This is what golf does, better than any other sport.
“We attack with speed. We win with technology. We show no mercy.” – Stolen from some golf commerical. I can’t remember for what. Probably a stick or a ball or a shirt. I think it was a stick.
“These guys are good.” – From another commerical. I can’t remember the source for this one either. It might have been a PGA tour commercial.
“Reserve your place in history.” – Look, it’s Morgan Freeman, doing the voicing for a tour event plug. Morgan’s on fine form and when he says it, it really sounds fine. My man.
Oh, now they’re playing the “Man from snowy river” theme. I love that song… Everybody loves that song. It’s a great story of one man carving his own road in a difficult world.
The trophies are shiny, the jackets are green… and a fella can’t watch five minutes of Sunday golf without tripping over three different eternal legends, dynasties or timeless tales of heart and courage. In the face of adversity. Great adversity. And all the odds.
The point is, if you don’t value your own brand, no one else will. And if you want to skim a little extra cream by getting people to *overvalue* your own brand, you’d better lay things on thick. So pat yourself on the back! Host yourself an awards show! Give yourself a trophy with a title like the Grand World Global Championship For All Eternity Challenge Cup. Give it to yourself every two weeks. At an awards show. Talk about yourself. After all, you are a living legend and you didn’t fight through all those odds and that geniune adversity for nothing.
Golf is by no means the only offender in this category. All professional sports do it. Music does it. Television does it. Film does it. Pretty much any community with a common interest and a large enough scale to pitch it with a straight face has a shot at it.
On an unrelated note, I hope you’ll follow this space closely. This blog has been nominated as a grand finalist in the legendary World Blog Heritage Classic Challenge, and the results will be posted next week. It will be a hard fight, especially since I’ll be forced to fight through the crushing grief of the loss of my great great grandfather.
