Why, Lotus Notes, Why?

April 29, 2008 under curios

Why do you use F5 to lock your application so that when I try to *refresh* my mail I get locked out?

Why is the only access to Search via a tiny magnifying glass icon? Is a menu item or a toolbar box too much to ask?

Why are your advanced search options so pitifully lacking?

Why are your web search engines HotBot, Lycos and AltaVista? Is it still 1998? Yes, I remember HotBot, but not fondly.

Why do you embed attachments *within* an e-mail, maintaining spatial positioning? Why do I have to position my attachments so the text wraps them nicely?

Why is the button used to add an attachment to an e-mail labeled “Create”? I’ve never ‘created’ an attachment in my life and I don’t intend to start now.

Why do you call an e-mail a “Memo”?

Why do you make me learn your own Lotus Notes specific terminology? What do you mean by “Database”?

You do everything I want to do; you just do it *wrong*.

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Nature – It’s just not natural.

April 28, 2008 under theology

Words Matter

Words are important. If they don’t go so far as to limit what and how we think, at the very least they direct our thoughts. The simple use of single word can carry a lot of subtle and hidden meaning. In particular,  the definition and root of a word might be based on a great many hidden assumptions or associations. A classic example of this is anthropomorphization, where words that are associated strictly with human beings are applied to non-human beings. To say, for example, that “A tree branched danced in the wind” goes beyond a description of mechanical motion. Among other things, it implies intent and emotion, since dance is an intentional, expressive and emotional activity.

Anthropomorphization is all fun and games, although incurable literalists will still complain, “Trees can’t dance!”

Using Foreign Language

From a Christian perspective, this is food for thought since it applies to borrowing words minted in (or tied to) other religions or philosophies. Why? Using a word validates to some degree the philosophy or religion which formed it.

Generally, reasonable people don’t talk nonsense. Using a word is an implicit acknowledgement that there is at least some level of sense or meaning to the word and the assumptions it implies. If a word is exclusively defined by a philosophy which does not make any sense at all (it is nonsensical) , then it doesn’t mean anything. It *can’t* mean anything. When you use it, you’re talking non-sense.

A common reaction to someone talking nonsense is to substitute the most reasonable definition you can invent for the word, on the grounds that the person talking must be saying *something*. This is a tricky thing because two people might use the same word while never communicating with one another, all the while believing that they have a genuine understanding. They are in fact talking about two different things, beyond each other’s experiences or understanding. While it is possible to glean some understanding, this is limited strictly to the realm of fantasy – it’s possible to envision what is being described, while not being able to tie it to any real experience.

Nature

With the introduction out of the way, it’s time to pick on an example: “Nature”

“Nature” seems to have been steadily accumulating associations which are dragging it out of the realm of solid philosophy and Christian belief. In particular, it’s a poor synonym for the expressive and direct “Creation”. “Creation” means so much more – it’s such a beautiful word. To prove the point, try and use the phrase “Mother Creation”. It sounds wrong – it is wrong. It shines a bright light on the differing philosophies and connotations of the words. Because the world is created by a single creator God it doesn’t make sense to try and talk about “Mother Nature” – it’s nonsense.

How many times do I say “Nature” when I really mean “Creation”? When I say “Creation”, there’s no doubt about what I’m talking about.

There is a second sense to the word nature, where it is used to mean “the essential (created) properties of an entity”, as in “human nature” or simply “natural”. I struggle to find a good Christian synonym for this, because I don’t think there’s a direct mapping.

Certainly there is the state in which we were created – is that our natural state? There is our current fallen state, and this is the one to which a secular ‘natural’ most often applies. Differentiating between the two requires a concept of moral “rightness” which doesn’t exist in a naturalistic philosophy. Does “human nature” refer to the way which we observe humans acting, or the way in which they were created to act, the way they ought to?

I have problems with “nature” because I *want* to talk about God’s Creation and about mankind, fallen, then redeemed. I want to express the concept of alignment with the Creator’s will and perfect desire. I want to communicate the beauty of a perfect creation, the corruption of a sinful fall and the glory of a final restoration – but I don’t think I have the words.

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Testing and Debugging – Cold Eyes are the best eyes

April 23, 2008 under technical

Most software engineers are at least a little bit prissy when it comes to talking about ‘bugs’. We’d rather you call them “defects.”

I’d like to say that this isn’t just software engineers being petty and small minded, but it is. Software engineers *are* small minded. We have to be, because, well, we just are. The things we build are too darn big to fit inside our teeny brains.

Software engineers love to give meaningful names to things because meaningful names (and naming conventions) are a very handy crutch for our tiny crippled minds. (I call my brain “Tim”. Whenever I work on boilerplate code I always forsee an empty place in my head where my brain used to be, unless things change)

Calling something a “bug” is not giving it a meaningful name. It conjures up a cute and playful image of a rascal insect frolicking through the code. If things go wrong, it’s not your fault – it’s those darn bugs in the system again. Nothing could be further from the truth. But what’s the right word? When the screen goes blue and starts vomiting hex codes, what are you supposed to call that? What really happened?

What happened was that a software engineer somewhere was not small minded enough and misunderstood what the program he wrote was doing.

To a software engineer, there are only two things that matter: what you want the computer to do, and what the computer actually does. The basic goals of software engineering are understanding the first thing, and matching the second to it. A program is the mapping between the two.

Misunderstanding any one of the desired result, the program or the computer will lead to a defect.

The point of this post is the observation that when a defect occurs, most of the time there’s a fundamental problem of misunderstanding involved. Software Engineers try to avoid shipping products which they know are defect-ridden, which means that when a defect occurs, chances are the author *thought* it was right.

As an author, this is a scary thought, because it means that you didn’t understand what was going on. Scarier still is the realization that you didn’t understand what was going on *and you didn’t realize it*.

The biggest hindrance in locating and fixing defects is shedding your faulty understanding and figuring out what is really happening.

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People you may…

April 22, 2008 under metablogging

Am I the only one a little creeped out by Facebook’s silent addition of a “People you may know” box which popped up on my profile?

What’s next? “People you may want to date?” It would go nicely alongside those ghastly, ubiquitous singles ads. Do you remember when Facebook didn’t have ads? I do ;-) (I’d be willing to be that if I changed my status to “In a relationship” they’d go away) How about “People you didn’t know smoked pot” or “People who you thought liked you but who make fun of you behind your back?”  (Really, these aren’t so crazy – a few well thought out search terms or a Baysian algorithm could probably make more headway than we’d like to think)

It’s true that all the information Facebook uses for this feature is visible to you anyway, and Facebook isn’t doing anything that people don’t do on their own (trawl their friends’ friends lists for common acquaintances), but it’s still creepy.

Facebook didn’t ask me if it was okay to do this on my behalf. They didn’t announce that they were going to do it. They didn’t suggest that I add the feature. They just did it, silently. The same way they introduced Beacon.

Once it becomes okay for Facebook to do things on my behalf because it thinks I might like them (like searching for pot-smokers among my friends) it means I’m trusting Facebook’s judgement over my own.

The real reason this creeps me out is because it’s a reminder of exactly how much information is on Facebook. Most of it is lost in obscurity if I am manually eyeballing things, but the instant intelligent search is introduced to the picture, obscurity no longer provides any protection.

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Menus Nested Five Deep

April 21, 2008 under technical

When I want to run SQL Plus I navigate through five menus (not counting the initial click on the Start button).

This is ridiculous but (sadly)  it is not unusual. It’s a good thing I’m not senile yet and can still remember where most things on my computer live.

This is why I hate computers.

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Poker – Why Mom doesn’t like it

April 19, 2008 under curios

Mom doesn’t like it because Mom is always smarter than you are.

So is Phil Gordon. At least when it comes to poker. Hmm…

Phil guesses that about half of the ‘name pros’ on television have a negative net worth. That 90% have serious difficulty in holding onto the money they win, and stay near broke, regardless of how much they win.

These are the pros. Not the suckers. (Well, not the average players, arguably they’re suckers) The pros, the greats, the ones who are put on television, and are living the ‘good life’…

Always listen to Mom. There’s a reason that gaming is a vice. It’s because it’s bad for you.

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Bridges and databases – don’t let me near either

April 17, 2008 under technical

If you’re familiar with Calvin and Hobbes, you may recall the strip where Calvin asks his father how they determine the maximum load for bridges.

“Oh, they just drive larger and larger trucks over a bridge until it breaks, and take the weight of the last truck. Then they rebuild the bridge.”

It’s quite funny, until you realize that in a roundabout way, this is exactly what engineers do. Engineers learn how to build the next one from the last one.

So why should the Civil engineers have all the fun? Today I thought about how you can tell whether or not your Java String object is sitting on top of a VARCHAR2(10) database column or a VARCHAR2(15) column.

public void dynamicallyFindColumnLength() {
String lengthTester = new String(“”);
int length = 0;
try{
while(true){
lengthTester = lengthTester.concat(“X”);
//DB INSERT CODE GOES HERE

length++;
}
} catch (Exception e) {
//string too long
}
return length;
}

Simple, really. For those of you who are convinced that this code is awful and inefficient, I completely agree. I really should fix the method to double the length of the string on each iteration, and on an exception, perform a binary search between the last successful test and the exception. For long columns it should go quite a bit more quickly.

Alternatively you can annotate your String and reflectively retrieve the length. But that just doesn’t feel the same, does it?

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My computer… the rock.

April 12, 2008 under technical, tongueincheek

A computer is a rock. It’s a (very) finely carved chunk of silicon and ore.

A computer is hard in the same way a rock is hard – when you crash into it, it bruises you, because you are bruisable and it is not. It is more stubborn than you are. A computer is what it is, and it isn’t interested in being anything other than that. No matter how hard you try or how much you anthropomorphize him, he’s not going to become anything other than a finely crafted rock.

When you interact with a computer in the closest, most detailed and most involved fashion possible (programming it) you bruise yourself. When the clock turns midnight, your program’s hideously broken, and you’re drinking strong coffee, using strong language… You blame the computer, question its motives and curse its shortcomings.

The computer doesn’t care. It’s a rock. After you’ve thrown your tantrum, it will be exactly the same rock that it’s always been. Eventually, you may feel silly for ranting at a rock. You may feel burdened by your own inadequacy and lack of understanding of the rock’s dimples, crevasses and edges.

You will be forced to accept that you are foolish and that the only way to work with the rock is to work with what it is, not with what you imagine it to be. When you accept that, it will still be there, the same as it always was.

This is why I hate computers.

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Hungry for more

April 7, 2008 under theology

People are voracious. Whatever we have is, well, not quite good enough. I see this in our use of language, where we take words with exceptional meaning and apply them to the ordinary. Awesome! Righteous! Afterwards, we have to coin new words because the old ones have lost their exceptional lustre. Writers labour under the constant pressure of finding new phrases unsullied by previous pens.

I see this in our theatre, where we continually strive after effects which are more special, monsters which are more monstrous, heroes more heroic, and experiences more mind-blowing. Rhetoric and hype drive themselves at ludicrous speed beyond the ridiculous. I assure you, your life will change, because the movies coming this summer will be beyond whatever you have ever seen. Yeah. That’s right. Beyond!

I see this in our jobs, where it’s never enough to keep up with the times – where every company must be growing, all the time.

I see it in our beauty magazines, where picking the most beautiful models isn’t enough – they have to be photoshopped into something more. The most beautiful people in the world aren’t good enough – they even have insecurities, things they hate about themselves.

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Trippy

April 4, 2008 under curios

Yes, I’m talking about picture nine. Woah.

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